Empty house empty heart

The house is empty.

The fam went on a trip and forgot me

I guess that's okay because they said I belonged in school not Disney land

Without my family here I Feel different

I feel empty 

Waking up each morning with no one to talk to or say good morning to

No goodnight or how was your day

It's just me

Alone 

Things I'm scared of.

I'm scared of loosing my family
I'm scared of the dark, or what's in the dark that I can't see
I'm scared of growing up and all the crap that comes with it
I'm scared of dying, but more scared of what comes after death
I'm scared of clowns
I'm scared of my dogs dying
I'm scared of having a family because my dad always says your future kids are 100 times worse than you were when you were a kid.
I'm scared of letting people get close to me
I'm scared to fall in love, because that left me in a mess last time
I'm scared of being alone
I'm scared of blogging and sharing my feelings to people
I'm scared of life

transformed

Each year of high school I feel like I've been a different person.

Sophomore: I was caught up in who knows what. Walking around with an attitude that I could do anything and say anything I want. caught up in drama with friends and relationships and pushing school and my family out of my life. I thought getting good grades was stupid and books were for losers. 

Junior: I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I went to school some days and other days I felt like I didn't need to go anywhere. Spending my days in a lot of random places except school. Feeling like I was alone, or that everyone was against me. I wouldn't let people help me because I felt like i was strong enough to do everything by my self. I was struggling in school and in life. I felt like I didn't have a purpose and I didn't fit in anywhere.

Senior: I FINALLY started to do my work and realize the importance of school and a lot of other stuff In my life, And I started to read. And guess what reading is not for losers, people who don't read are losers. I did something last night I thought I never would do. I used my money and bought books on www.barnesandnoble.com, and told my mom to expect a package and just put it in my room and I told her it was books and she freaked out. I keep my grades Up and my attitude up. My family is the most important thing to me and I've finally learned to be happy being alone. Peace and quiet is my favorite. 

I've made mistakes but I've put them behind me. Yes I still will make mistakes but they will help me latter in my life. 

I have transformed my self for the better and I'm proud of that. 

Ten future goals

1) Graduate High School

2) Go skydiving

3) Move out

4) Fall in love

5) Go scuba diving

6)Get a degree

7)Be Succesful

8)Own a beach house on Newport Beach, Califonia

9)Have a family

10)Buy a 1966 cherry red Mustang

#kindergarten

This is my very first painting. 

This is really important to me because it got me into art and art has had a lot of impact on my life.

exist less. live more

I'm sick of existing

 i want to

 no i need to live more.

 no one really lives these days, they only exist. 

im confined by the walls of my school and bedroom, 

to scared to step my foot out of my confort zone and jump.

jump into a wall, no but into a life. a life of no fear and no problems. but just happiness.

Happiness and joy. i know I'm only in high school but I'm sick of waking up every day doing the same thing. i want it to change. i can't wait for it to change. 

bricks build me

my bricks are what make me, me.

I got one brick because i scored the winning goal of my soccer game.

The other because I failed my math test

all my bricks make me who I am today. 

without the brick from that time I froze during my piano recital

and the other from when I learned not to steal. 

I wouldn't of learned those things and I wouldn't know the stuff I do today. so thank you bricks.

thank you for giving me bruises and teaching me and making me who I am today.