exist less. live more

I'm sick of existing

 i want to

 no i need to live more.

 no one really lives these days, they only exist. 

im confined by the walls of my school and bedroom, 

to scared to step my foot out of my confort zone and jump.

jump into a wall, no but into a life. a life of no fear and no problems. but just happiness.

Happiness and joy. i know I'm only in high school but I'm sick of waking up every day doing the same thing. i want it to change. i can't wait for it to change. 

bricks build me

my bricks are what make me, me.

I got one brick because i scored the winning goal of my soccer game.

The other because I failed my math test

all my bricks make me who I am today. 

without the brick from that time I froze during my piano recital

and the other from when I learned not to steal. 

I wouldn't of learned those things and I wouldn't know the stuff I do today. so thank you bricks.

thank you for giving me bruises and teaching me and making me who I am today.

Life

I think the most interesting thing about life is the fact that everyone is going to a different place at a different time. Everyone has lived a separate story and are all going thru different things. the guy that just passed you is on the way to the hospital to go watch his first child be born, while the woman across from you is battling cancer. Every car you pass or every person you bump into is going to a separate place to do a separate thing. The girl I'm going to marry is out living a life I don't even know about, but some how our paths will cross. Everyone has a different dream and a different place to go. Everyone is human just trying to live.

Technology and people and problems

I said something today that I thought I'd never say,
"I hate technology"
The reason I said this was because I realized that my peaceful Sunday was ruined by a 200$ piece metal and glass that broke. and in that moment when it broke, and I was so upset wondering why is this happening. Why is today so bad. I stopped, laughed a little. Set the phone down and wondered why. Why was I so upset about a piece of nothing, sure it had my photos and my music on it and a lot else I "cared" about. But my family was down stairs and my friends were at their houses. Safe. And that's when I realized that our society is molded by technology and cell phones and Instagram. That a lot of people care more about how many likes they get than anything going on in their lives. Not saying all technology is bad, because a lot of good comes from it these day. I'm just really sick of the influence some technology has on people. It needs to end.

Falling

My dream is to fall,
Fall out of an airplane
Fall off a cliff into water
Fall in love.
Love would have me falling forever
But this was earth?  I couldnt keep falling.
Sooner or later I would have to hit the ground .
And in that moment when I hit the ground and the pain came
I wondered one thing.
Why did I jump
Why did i trust you enough to let me jump?

I trusted you because you said you would jump too.
We fell together, for about a year and six months.
Falling thru trials and learning what it was like to fall.
Soon I didn't care about me anymore. I cared about you.
But as we feel.
I learned that you cared about you, and some other boys too..
And as we came to the end of our fall
You pulled out a chute.
And that's when I learned that our love wasn't true.

Infinate

I thought we were infinite.
Our promises to each other seemed so real, but too real at the same time.
What was I doing? I was stuck in the thought of love, and being with you forever.

But then things ended, and what I thought was infinite was not even close.
we're strangers now.
I walk the halls and pass you.
 And as I pass you, time slows down.
 As our eyes meet, time stops.
 And as I look deeply into the eyes of the girl that I would of protected forever. Memories fill my brain, not just mine but hers too; they flood in like a river.
 one after another.
until time caught up with us and we both looked away, and kept on living our normal lives.
But before all this, we were happy and in that moment I swear we were infinate.
but I was wrong.

My Crayons

Bring me back to the fun, throw away my books and give me crayons. Give me a piece of paper an let me create everything but nothing at the same time. I wanna believe again, that one day I will walk on the moon, or somehow get bit by a radioactive spider and protect my city and be a hero. I just wanna walk around in a blue clues T-shirt with in my mind the biggest grape juice stain in the whole wide world on it. I wanna stay home sick from school today, but not worry about what I'm going going to miss and have to make up tomorrow. I wanna miss school and go out to breakfast with my mom and sit in the back seat, in my stain covered red Car seat, and listen to a variety of disney sound tracks and just have no clue of anything bad in this world or any hard ships your going to have to go thru later on. 

In other words, I want my crayons back. 

I don't want my books or my car keys or my iPhone. 

Just simply give me my crayons back.