Call me Jax teller

I'd like to start off my last post with saying thank you, thank you to Nelson for creating this awesome class. It really helped me get my mind off school and all of the other crazy things and focus on something else. And thank you to all of the amazing writers who gave me inspiration on my writing, and I really enjoyed reading a lot of your posts. And thank you to all of those who read my blog, it means a lot.

If you really knew me you would know that my best friend is a dog, a Springer Spaniel to be exact and she's the greatest best friend in the whole entire world. 

If you really knew me you would know that I get really nervous getting up in front of people and talking.

If you really knew me you would know that I'm a completely different person out side the doors of Lone Peak.

If you really knew me you would know that my family is everything to me and I would be lost with out them.

Well if you don't know me, I'll tell you some things so you can get a better picture of me in your head.

I like to read

I could never hurt any living thing on this earth

Art is my passion, there's nothing like pulling out some water colors and blasting music and getting lost in my art work

The thing I enjoy most is nature

I love to ride bikes

I love to play sports

I love to run 

My most favorite place on this earth is Newport Beach California 

 I moved here from Italy in the 6th grade

I've never had a cavity 

My favorite movie is Toy Story

That I have a very hard time sitting still

That I love rap music

That I'm TERRIFIED to grow up and begin my own life

That my dream is to become a Psychologist because I just want to help people. 

That my real name is Noah Ghiz

And I was afraid to share that, but I'm not anymore. Because who cares what people think of me.

I remember

I remember you, and how you used to make me feel

I remember my first grade teacher, and how she died from cancer

I remember that nightmare that haunted my dreams each and every night I stayed at your house

I remember the old painting in my sisters room that used to put shivers down my spine

I remember sitting in my grandmas hot tub in the winter with all my cousins and getting dared to go sledding down the golf course hill in nothing but our swim suits and all catching a cold shortly after

I remember my first kiss, and how she was taller than me so I had to stand on the curb so I could reach her

I remember my pet bunny, and how sad I felt when I had to give him away

I remember the last time my older brother talked to me

I remember my first day of school in Utah, and how welcomed I felt

I remember my last conversation with my great grandfather

I remember the first book I ever read

I remember the time my big brother threw a computer speaker at my head and split it open

I also remember the day I got revenge

I remember the day my big bro taught me how to ride a bike without training wheels

I remember the first goal I scored on my little league soccer team and how if the defenders weren't staring off into space I wouldn't of scored the goal

I remember the first time I saw my mom cry and how I cried too

I remember the day my cousin died, and how sad I felt because that was the first time I ever lost someone 

I remember when I broke my ankle 1 hour before prom and how I still went then the next day went to the emergency room

I remember the smell of my old best friends house and how I always hated it

I remember going from 6th grade to junior high and how all of my friends changed 

I remember when I realized what life was really about.

nature

Being out side in nature is probably my favorite thing in the entire world. There's somthing about it, how peaceful it feels and how beautiful it looks. It's sooo amazing just going on a hike or having a camp fire. I don't understand how it all got there, every flower and every piece of grass or every tree was put there for a specific reason. And together its all so beautiful

Things I don't want to do

Things I don't want to do
1. Die
2. Grow up
3. Go to college
4. Move out


Things I'll do
1.die
2.grow up
3. Go to college
4. Move out

Mixed emotions

I'm afraid to die,
Just like I'm afraid to grow up,
Both haunt my thoughts like a ghost haunting the place where his life was taken
I'm afraid to die because I don't want to lose everything I care about, and
Everything I have and will work for. It can all just end, just as quick as a snap
Of your fingers,
I'm Afriad to grow up because of all of the decisions,
Where to go to college, how to pay for college, what I want to do for a career,
How to raise my future family, where to live ect. These thoughts gets louder and louder each day I get
Closer to graduation. I have mixed feelings about graduating, I can't stand school a lot of the time and I want it to end but then again I don't want it to end because that will be the death of my childhood
And that is something I do not want to happen
I know we all have to one day but man has it come quick
It seemed just last week I was running around in a blues clues T-shirt not caring about a GPA or what others think of me.
And I miss that
I miss everything about my child hood
And I miss the loved ones that are not standing here on this earth today
And in the end when I'm thinking my last thoughts, I hope I look back and accept every choice I will make and every accomplishment I have done or will do and I will be happy with the life I have lived

Empty house empty heart

The house is empty.

The fam went on a trip and forgot me

I guess that's okay because they said I belonged in school not Disney land

Without my family here I Feel different

I feel empty 

Waking up each morning with no one to talk to or say good morning to

No goodnight or how was your day

It's just me

Alone 

Things I'm scared of.

I'm scared of loosing my family
I'm scared of the dark, or what's in the dark that I can't see
I'm scared of growing up and all the crap that comes with it
I'm scared of dying, but more scared of what comes after death
I'm scared of clowns
I'm scared of my dogs dying
I'm scared of having a family because my dad always says your future kids are 100 times worse than you were when you were a kid.
I'm scared of letting people get close to me
I'm scared to fall in love, because that left me in a mess last time
I'm scared of being alone
I'm scared of blogging and sharing my feelings to people
I'm scared of life

transformed

Each year of high school I feel like I've been a different person.

Sophomore: I was caught up in who knows what. Walking around with an attitude that I could do anything and say anything I want. caught up in drama with friends and relationships and pushing school and my family out of my life. I thought getting good grades was stupid and books were for losers. 

Junior: I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I went to school some days and other days I felt like I didn't need to go anywhere. Spending my days in a lot of random places except school. Feeling like I was alone, or that everyone was against me. I wouldn't let people help me because I felt like i was strong enough to do everything by my self. I was struggling in school and in life. I felt like I didn't have a purpose and I didn't fit in anywhere.

Senior: I FINALLY started to do my work and realize the importance of school and a lot of other stuff In my life, And I started to read. And guess what reading is not for losers, people who don't read are losers. I did something last night I thought I never would do. I used my money and bought books on www.barnesandnoble.com, and told my mom to expect a package and just put it in my room and I told her it was books and she freaked out. I keep my grades Up and my attitude up. My family is the most important thing to me and I've finally learned to be happy being alone. Peace and quiet is my favorite. 

I've made mistakes but I've put them behind me. Yes I still will make mistakes but they will help me latter in my life. 

I have transformed my self for the better and I'm proud of that. 

Ten future goals

1) Graduate High School

2) Go skydiving

3) Move out

4) Fall in love

5) Go scuba diving

6)Get a degree

7)Be Succesful

8)Own a beach house on Newport Beach, Califonia

9)Have a family

10)Buy a 1966 cherry red Mustang

#kindergarten

This is my very first painting. 

This is really important to me because it got me into art and art has had a lot of impact on my life.

exist less. live more

I'm sick of existing

 i want to

 no i need to live more.

 no one really lives these days, they only exist. 

im confined by the walls of my school and bedroom, 

to scared to step my foot out of my confort zone and jump.

jump into a wall, no but into a life. a life of no fear and no problems. but just happiness.

Happiness and joy. i know I'm only in high school but I'm sick of waking up every day doing the same thing. i want it to change. i can't wait for it to change. 

bricks build me

my bricks are what make me, me.

I got one brick because i scored the winning goal of my soccer game.

The other because I failed my math test

all my bricks make me who I am today. 

without the brick from that time I froze during my piano recital

and the other from when I learned not to steal. 

I wouldn't of learned those things and I wouldn't know the stuff I do today. so thank you bricks.

thank you for giving me bruises and teaching me and making me who I am today.

Life

I think the most interesting thing about life is the fact that everyone is going to a different place at a different time. Everyone has lived a separate story and are all going thru different things. the guy that just passed you is on the way to the hospital to go watch his first child be born, while the woman across from you is battling cancer. Every car you pass or every person you bump into is going to a separate place to do a separate thing. The girl I'm going to marry is out living a life I don't even know about, but some how our paths will cross. Everyone has a different dream and a different place to go. Everyone is human just trying to live.

Technology and people and problems

I said something today that I thought I'd never say,
"I hate technology"
The reason I said this was because I realized that my peaceful Sunday was ruined by a 200$ piece metal and glass that broke. and in that moment when it broke, and I was so upset wondering why is this happening. Why is today so bad. I stopped, laughed a little. Set the phone down and wondered why. Why was I so upset about a piece of nothing, sure it had my photos and my music on it and a lot else I "cared" about. But my family was down stairs and my friends were at their houses. Safe. And that's when I realized that our society is molded by technology and cell phones and Instagram. That a lot of people care more about how many likes they get than anything going on in their lives. Not saying all technology is bad, because a lot of good comes from it these day. I'm just really sick of the influence some technology has on people. It needs to end.

Falling

My dream is to fall,
Fall out of an airplane
Fall off a cliff into water
Fall in love.
Love would have me falling forever
But this was earth?  I couldnt keep falling.
Sooner or later I would have to hit the ground .
And in that moment when I hit the ground and the pain came
I wondered one thing.
Why did I jump
Why did i trust you enough to let me jump?

I trusted you because you said you would jump too.
We fell together, for about a year and six months.
Falling thru trials and learning what it was like to fall.
Soon I didn't care about me anymore. I cared about you.
But as we feel.
I learned that you cared about you, and some other boys too..
And as we came to the end of our fall
You pulled out a chute.
And that's when I learned that our love wasn't true.

Infinate

I thought we were infinite.
Our promises to each other seemed so real, but too real at the same time.
What was I doing? I was stuck in the thought of love, and being with you forever.

But then things ended, and what I thought was infinite was not even close.
we're strangers now.
I walk the halls and pass you.
 And as I pass you, time slows down.
 As our eyes meet, time stops.
 And as I look deeply into the eyes of the girl that I would of protected forever. Memories fill my brain, not just mine but hers too; they flood in like a river.
 one after another.
until time caught up with us and we both looked away, and kept on living our normal lives.
But before all this, we were happy and in that moment I swear we were infinate.
but I was wrong.

My Crayons

Bring me back to the fun, throw away my books and give me crayons. Give me a piece of paper an let me create everything but nothing at the same time. I wanna believe again, that one day I will walk on the moon, or somehow get bit by a radioactive spider and protect my city and be a hero. I just wanna walk around in a blue clues T-shirt with in my mind the biggest grape juice stain in the whole wide world on it. I wanna stay home sick from school today, but not worry about what I'm going going to miss and have to make up tomorrow. I wanna miss school and go out to breakfast with my mom and sit in the back seat, in my stain covered red Car seat, and listen to a variety of disney sound tracks and just have no clue of anything bad in this world or any hard ships your going to have to go thru later on. 

In other words, I want my crayons back. 

I don't want my books or my car keys or my iPhone. 

Just simply give me my crayons back.

Me

I'm stuck
Not knowing what to type
Because it's hard in my mind
It's hard to open up and share my thoughts
It's hard to feel like people actually want to listen
I don't want to type
But yet my fingers are still typing
Why am I like this
Why do I feel scared all the time
Well because I'm simply
Me