nature

Being out side in nature is probably my favorite thing in the entire world. There's somthing about it, how peaceful it feels and how beautiful it looks. It's sooo amazing just going on a hike or having a camp fire. I don't understand how it all got there, every flower and every piece of grass or every tree was put there for a specific reason. And together its all so beautiful

Things I don't want to do

Things I don't want to do
1. Die
2. Grow up
3. Go to college
4. Move out


Things I'll do
1.die
2.grow up
3. Go to college
4. Move out

Mixed emotions

I'm afraid to die,
Just like I'm afraid to grow up,
Both haunt my thoughts like a ghost haunting the place where his life was taken
I'm afraid to die because I don't want to lose everything I care about, and
Everything I have and will work for. It can all just end, just as quick as a snap
Of your fingers,
I'm Afriad to grow up because of all of the decisions,
Where to go to college, how to pay for college, what I want to do for a career,
How to raise my future family, where to live ect. These thoughts gets louder and louder each day I get
Closer to graduation. I have mixed feelings about graduating, I can't stand school a lot of the time and I want it to end but then again I don't want it to end because that will be the death of my childhood
And that is something I do not want to happen
I know we all have to one day but man has it come quick
It seemed just last week I was running around in a blues clues T-shirt not caring about a GPA or what others think of me.
And I miss that
I miss everything about my child hood
And I miss the loved ones that are not standing here on this earth today
And in the end when I'm thinking my last thoughts, I hope I look back and accept every choice I will make and every accomplishment I have done or will do and I will be happy with the life I have lived

Empty house empty heart

The house is empty.

The fam went on a trip and forgot me

I guess that's okay because they said I belonged in school not Disney land

Without my family here I Feel different

I feel empty 

Waking up each morning with no one to talk to or say good morning to

No goodnight or how was your day

It's just me

Alone 

Things I'm scared of.

I'm scared of loosing my family
I'm scared of the dark, or what's in the dark that I can't see
I'm scared of growing up and all the crap that comes with it
I'm scared of dying, but more scared of what comes after death
I'm scared of clowns
I'm scared of my dogs dying
I'm scared of having a family because my dad always says your future kids are 100 times worse than you were when you were a kid.
I'm scared of letting people get close to me
I'm scared to fall in love, because that left me in a mess last time
I'm scared of being alone
I'm scared of blogging and sharing my feelings to people
I'm scared of life

transformed

Each year of high school I feel like I've been a different person.

Sophomore: I was caught up in who knows what. Walking around with an attitude that I could do anything and say anything I want. caught up in drama with friends and relationships and pushing school and my family out of my life. I thought getting good grades was stupid and books were for losers. 

Junior: I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I went to school some days and other days I felt like I didn't need to go anywhere. Spending my days in a lot of random places except school. Feeling like I was alone, or that everyone was against me. I wouldn't let people help me because I felt like i was strong enough to do everything by my self. I was struggling in school and in life. I felt like I didn't have a purpose and I didn't fit in anywhere.

Senior: I FINALLY started to do my work and realize the importance of school and a lot of other stuff In my life, And I started to read. And guess what reading is not for losers, people who don't read are losers. I did something last night I thought I never would do. I used my money and bought books on www.barnesandnoble.com, and told my mom to expect a package and just put it in my room and I told her it was books and she freaked out. I keep my grades Up and my attitude up. My family is the most important thing to me and I've finally learned to be happy being alone. Peace and quiet is my favorite. 

I've made mistakes but I've put them behind me. Yes I still will make mistakes but they will help me latter in my life. 

I have transformed my self for the better and I'm proud of that. 

Ten future goals

1) Graduate High School

2) Go skydiving

3) Move out

4) Fall in love

5) Go scuba diving

6)Get a degree

7)Be Succesful

8)Own a beach house on Newport Beach, Califonia

9)Have a family

10)Buy a 1966 cherry red Mustang